Random Thoughts

What did I expect? For him to be waiting for me? SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH!! All I think of is me....Just goes to show I was right, I WILL NOT wait for the other. He does not deserve me.. Then again do I deserve him? Do I deserve ANYONE? I screw things up, mess with people, use people, throw a fit when I don't get my way. I'm a three year old. I don't deserve anything. I'm just one big mistake. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY :,,,,( All I want to do is sit and cry....tired...so tired of all of this. Of the world, the stress, the pain. Tired of being the person everyone walks on glass around, tired of hiding. Tired of not knowing who I am...Tired of the stress, and the lack of an attention span. Tired of the petty drama I cause. Tired of the rejection. Tired of the depression. Tired. of. all. the. irationalty!!!!!!!! Whats wrong with me....Why do I feel so...broken...Why is it so hard to be even slightly selfless....why is it so hard to be ok with myself when I am alone. Why is it so hard to control the masses of extra powerful emotions that swarm through me constantly....I don't want to fight anymore....it's s hard and to be frank? I don't like hard. I want things to be handed to me, to be easy, but I know i can't have that and it frustrates me....Which of course is so insanely selfish....I'm just...hurt, and confused, and scared, and so freaking lonely. I just want to close my eyes, and dream forever...why can't I dream forever?